Christmasparagus

A Christmas Story inspired by a scene from the movie "Elf".

Christmasparagus

illustrated by Melinda Fonda

In a valley, not so far from here, called Hefty Bag Basin, lived a tribe of asparagus children with their plucky leader, Chief Larry. Larry Asparry was an extra-tall spear (because mom forgot to cut him shorter) and he led his tribe with courage, wisdom, and plenty of Vitamin A.

Although the tribe spent most of their days together, their favorite day was Christmas. They had a giant party complete with gifts and decorations, and everyone got a gift from their secret Santsparagus.

This year, the party was already well underway, their troubles and woes forgotten as they opened their presents. Sherry got a bottle of perfume. Aspen got a 3-pack of Febreze (Mountain Air scent). Gus got a scented candle, and whoever drew Perry’s name went a step further than they needed to and got him a plain old box of matches. They all blushed slightly at their gifts, but they were grateful for something they truly needed. No one thought to buy toys or pretty clothes for each other. Covering up their embarrassing secrets was just too important.

The party was just starting to wind down when suddenly, a bright light shone over the entire valley, and vegetables began raining from the sky! The asparagus children stared in shock as a tribe of broccoli children lay in the midst of their party, and darkness surrounded their valley once again. No one knew what to say or do. As their chief, Larry knew he had to do something.

He asked to meet with their leader, who turned out to be a perfectly nice floret named Brock.

“You can’t stay here!” Larry told him. “This is our land, and there isn’t room for us all.”

“But we have no choice!” cried Brock. “We were dumped here, unwanted, just like you.” Larry was surprised. He had never before met anyone with his same tragic backstory.

“You mean… the children didn’t want you either?” he asked.

“Exactly,” said Brock. “Mom and Dad told them they had to eat us, but they refused. They cried and whined. They moved us all around their plate, but didn’t even take one bite. It was humiliating. Meanwhile, the dinner roll was gone in seconds.”

“But, why didn’t they want you?” asked Larry, wondering if they had the same problem his tribe had. Brock blushed a deep green.

“Well they… they said that we look like trees. And they’re right.”

“But that’s not a bad thing!” said Larry. And then, he had an idea.

They gathered their tribes together to tell them they would need to live in harmony. Larry explained to them that they had all been unwanted because someone only saw the bad in them.

“But there is plenty of good too!” he said. “We are kind, and smart…”

“And we have plenty of Riboflavin!” added Brock.

“Uh, right,” Larry said. “And we’re funny…”

So the broccoli joined the Christmas party, and even played an important role in the decorations once someone pulled out the lights and ornaments. And after that they always got  along, and stopped focusing on the things they didn’t like about themselves. At least until trash day.