Harry Toddler was a special boy. He was a wizard who could do magic.
There was only one problem: Harry wasn’t potty trained. And diapers were fine for babies, but they got in the way when you were trying to learn new spells, or ride a broom, or just walk to class.
[art: Harry walking with a saggy diaper]
He knew it was time to learn to use the potty, but he didn’t like it. Because, see, Harry was scared of the potty. He was convinced that inside the potty lived a snake. Not just a snake, but a basilisk, which is basically just a really scary snake. He wasn’t about to sit bare-bottomed on a snake potty, no way.
Harry knew it was going to be a bad day when Aunt Petunia sent him to Hogwarts Preschool of Witchcraft and Wizardry in his big boy underwear. His new friend, Doggy, even tried to warn him not to go to school that day. But Harry didn’t have a choice.
[art: Harry petting a dog who looks like Dobby the elf]
His best friend Ron Wagonwheel told him it wouldn’t be so bad. He had been potty trained since March, and he was doing great. His other best friend, Hermione Grahamcracker, pointed out that Ron still used pull ups at night, so what was he bragging for.
The worst was when his nemesis, Draco Mamasboy, found out Harry was still in diapers. He teased him all day long until Harry thought he would go crazy.
Harry knew he had to be brave. So when he felt the urge to go (after a LOT of Bottlebeer) he walked courageously to the potty. But before he could sit down, Tommy Rattle came over. Tommy was, if possible, an even bigger bully than Draco.
“What are you doing?” Tommy asked. “You can’t go on the potty, or I’ll be in only kid in the whole school who is still in diapers!”
“Oh yeah?” Harry said. “And how are you going to stop me?” Tommy smiled an evil grin.
“Don’t you know?” he asked. He spelled out his name with blocks on the floor.
He looked up at Harry proudly. Harry stared in horror as Tommy stood up and shouted, “MOMMY!!!”
Harry chased after him, but Aunt Petunia was already at the door to pick him up.
“Harry’s Mommy, Harry tried to steal my blocks!” Tommy said. Harry couldn’t believe it. Who did this Tommy kid think he was? Aunt Petunia frowned at Harry.
“Naughty boy!” she said. “First you throw pudding all over my clean kitchen floor this morning, and now this? You’re going straight to your room. And I don’t want to hear any noise from you, young man!”
So they headed back home, and Harry sat in time out until dinner. But it all turned out ok, because he still learned to use the potty, there was no snake in there after all, and Tommy Rattle spent the rest of the year in diapers.
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